April 6th, 2006.

8.52pm

Currently in YEC meeting. Very few people in attendance. And it is freezing. As usual, nothing new or interesting. Went through the D&D pictures Elyn took. Very nice! Brought back a lot of memories. "Haha!" Sound like it had ended ages ago.

Anyway, today we(D&D main committee) had a post event debrief. At first, most of the others did not wish to speak at first. I had to speak until I am dizzy. *grins* Once everyone warmed up, it got tensed. After everything, I asked Ah Guang, "Have I done anything wrong?" I hope everyone do not have any regrets joining the committee. I would still like to express my utmost gratitude and appreciation to every single person who had helped out in D&D, in one way or another. Like what I keep saying these few weeks, "Live and Learn". Most of the finances have been settled. Thought we can settle everything this week, but after talking with Ah Guang, it seems that we will need another week or two. *sad* Think I should go back and concentrate on the meeting. Do not know why I feel very low now. Maybe cause the debrief. *pouts*

9.37pm

Still in the meeting. But something just came to me as I was browsing through the NYC newsletter. During the debrief, one question was thrown to me, "After six months of hard work, who do you think is more heartache about the video?" To me, naturally it will means all the main committee members. This whole thing is not about a single department, not a single person, not me, not Ah Guang etc. This problem which concern everyone. Everyone feels bad and sad about it. Period. Thinking back, I should not be always blaming myself everytime someone make a comment about me. For issues on my style of management, if everyone have anything to say regarding it, I cannot help it. It is my style. It may change in the near future, it may never. I have no idea. Ten years down the road, if everything I have use on my main committee members is of no use, no experience earned, then I have nothing to say. Up till date, I believe the things that I had done are for the best, for the personal growth of the main committee. *wonders* "Really?"

11.40pm

Home. Do not understand why I am still quite bother about the whole thing. Do not know why I cannot be like Ah Guang. Be silent and keep his cool about everything. Was listening to my IPod when on the way home just now. Do not know why, everytime the song will definitely suit my mood. This time it is "Unwell" by MatchBox Twenty...