May 16th, 2006.

SIP Day 14:

12.54pm

Late for work today. Anyway I will work my full shift today. Feeling quite sad today. First thing that catch my eye after my brother woke me up was the letter on my laptop. It was the CCA Awards notification letter. I got a ill omen since yesterday night, when Wei Qi SMS me, asking if I am going to take leave off SIP to attend it. I only got the CCA Merit Award (Leadership). Wondering who got the Student Leader of the Year. Being born in the Year of the Tiger, it had also been a very competitive environment. In the form of non-acdemic performances, such as CCAs, there are always very good candidates. This year, it is very obvious that all the awards are closely contended. So I guess I could have done more. I just did not do enough. What a way to end my CCA career in TP. I got a CCA Merit Award (Arts) and Production Crew got the Arts Group of the Year, with me as the Vice-President. To me, it is a sign of me under performing, a sort of demotion. Listening to "emo" music again. Since the new school term had started, everyone had been asking me to run for election for Union again. *bitter laugh* How ironic. Why me? Since everyone says I am the ideal choice, but why? I am suppose to graduate. *bitter laugh* My heart ask me to go for it, but my head tells me not too. When I stepped into Union, I had a dream. Now my term is ending without the dream being fulfilled. I want to bring Union up there. That is what my heart is telling me to go and do. But my brain tells me, to get out to it. I am like a past tense, a guy who is already not there. Wendy, Ivan, Randy, Nicholas and many other people had told me that I will need to get out of there someday. I guess this maybe that day. *bitter smile* There are a few songs I am listening to now. "Cry" by James Blunt. "一生最爱的人" by 伍佰 . "海濶天空" by Beyond. "手放开" by Lee Sheng Jie. They are looping and looping, over and over again. Hope everyone who is feeling down now, get over it soon. I think I will. There are better things to do than to cry over spilled milk. This is life. Slow down and you are obsolete. At least for the rat race... Going for lunch now. Maybe getting bubble tea later. *bitter smile*

4.07pm

Bought 1 cup of bubble tea. Chocolate Ice-blended. Kee Ping bought another for me. *grins* Called Sharon just now. Had a gut feeling about it. True enough. She got the award. *grins* Congrats. Half of my mind, the logical side knew she would have got it. Maybe just could not make myself to believe it. *silly grins* Kind of feeling better. At least she is obvious more of a high-flyer compared to me. At least I did not lose it to some one that I do not respect. Had once myself a couple of times if joining Union was the wrong choice. But I know that I should not regret any decision that I made. It was just a question. Told myself that it would be irresponsible to just run away for overseas trip and leave everyone behind. I know it to be true. I could not make myself to run away to Switzerland and left D&D. I could not leave FOC for Yunan. Sorry Kyle. Thank you for the opporunities. But I know my responsibilities. I know where I am needed most. At least I know I had done all I can... Btw, I am going back school tomorrow. *grins*

7.43pm

Hadijah talked bad about me. *angry* *grins* Kidding.

11.59pm

Good Night Singapore. Picture of the day is Ken. Our production's Director of Photography. Handsome right? *grins*