正在看《烈火战车》。有了很多感触。我像阿祖的“幼稚”，而你像她的关心和执着。你看了，可能会有跟我一样的感觉吧。

执着.

跟阿妈一起看台湾长剧，有新的体会。人生无常，何必那执着呢？嗨。


so now i cannot mention anything about anyone who had a past with me? why pile so much emotional baggage on yourself? So from now on, I dont speak to any other girl who is interested in me, that will make you much happier? sigh. You really need me to be like that? 

So today, I managed to ruin your day? sigh. I dont blame your friend. She is just saying. I have nothing to hide. I am just really tired of all these. A perfectly fine day and "Hey, she say she saw you in town. Saw you 约会。" and there ends the beautiful day. sigh. buy 4D/Lottery also not so 准。Have not seen her for months and first lunch and this happened. Argh! so irritated. sigh.


郎有情，女有意。我们到底在做什么？

I would really wish i know what you are thinking about. What are you unhappy about? sigh.  why so literal? 

很烦。不知道你在想什么。我又做错了什么？你到底在不开心什么？嗨。

heard this from Robin during the wedding:
"Knowing you is fate. Being your friend is my choice. Falling in love with you is beyond my control." oh my... so sweet. wonder when will is be in his shoes, on the podium. 

这一年的时差

昨天晚上，当我看到落泪的你，我有了一股好想拥抱你的冲动。好想的紧紧的抱着你。嗨。我应该吗？我还是一样。 在表达这方面就是不知所措。你说能唱的出好听的情歌的歌手，都是有故事的。我不是秘密练歌，是听了有上千次同样的歌，看了上百次的MV，有了小小的体会，可以说一些领悟吧。我们都还是一样，可是又不一样。听我唱时，希望你有觉得我在这一年的时差，对感情的感触和体会。

我不知道如何前进。嗨。

跟你在一起的时候，真的很开心。不管是说话或传text都打从心里笑出来。到了现在都会有心跳加速的感觉。

重来

i know she knows the pros and cons of the job. there are always people who try for two years and are back to normal lives. like i said, the job is not hard. and the hard times will pass. one will never be junior forever. hmm. roster is difficult as one will live month by month. but off days are more than most and time can be made after a bit.

One thing is for sure. confirm couple code. :) hmm. but i can wish long long. sigh. 真的可以重来吗？

小朋友，我可以重新认识你吗？

Argghhhh!

I did something damm stupid. I send her 2 postcards in NYC. slot a stack into US Mail Office, and I forgot to fill in her address... And I only realise this on the way back from Frankfurt to singapore... Arghhhhhhh! :( idiot. Finally got the courage to write and screwed up. Arghhh! I want to scream...!!!! 

i called her. amazing. i did not know what happened. my heart was pounding. but could not meet up. guess it was too... abrupt? hmm... anyway. everything seems like a blur. till now. need to calm down. 

刚才有了一股冲动，要打给她。可是又不知道从那里说起。

我每次都知道要的是什么，要去哪里，要做什么。可是唯有你让我不知所措。我真的忘不了你。今天起飞和降落的感觉特别的承重。后天我要去纽约了。又要再一次走了， 小朋友。

Had good talks with a couple of peeps. With Si Jie. with Daniel. with some crew. hmm. just back from a flight. very tired. did not really sleep last night, or rather this morning.

Just came back from MEL a couple of days ago. had a long awaited catch up with Linggie. talk so much. took so many photos. been like what? 3 years since i saw her? missing her already.

received gifts from her. and a post card. it was damaged. surprised it even reached me. hmm. you know what. by touching the wrapping, i knew what it was. and the other i knew what she would had wrote. haas.
hmm. really happy for her that she went on this trip. i feel this period of one year made me grew so much. this whole year made me stronger in my convictions. and i know now that, if i am ever together with her again, i will never let her go.
it is not not worth the fight. just not yet, then. but are things so simple, now?

want to share a picture. hope it will make some people's day.

Baby Chloe

today Febella ask me about her. said she misses her. ask me to tell her. sigh. how?
questions keep coming.
where is jiejie?
on a plane. somewhere.
can you call her? now?
no.
why? computer can right?
ya...
call her now.  sigh. haas.

嗨。今天真的知道什么是，无言以对。只可以苦笑的面对。每次都被ah ma说。嗨。

梁伟健。要到几时才会成熟一点？真的要错过吗？一错再错。
可是真的有的回头吗？又犯错的时候，怎么办？她又会受伤，又伤心。我不想看到她伤心。真的。

看完九把刀的故事了。我不喜欢那个结局。可是那是他的故事。现实就是这样。
那我们的故事呢？要什么种的结局？嗨。太晚了吧。

怕

那時我們　為何走到分岔

以前的我怕失去自己而离开你。现在又是什么样子呢？

今天一直想到那句诗，"众里寻他千百度蓦然回首那人却在灯火阑删处。"
真窍。嗨。昨晚刚刚提起，今早就看到面薄的一个上载。 想了想，左思右想，还是不知道从何下笔。嗨。 因为那时的没有勇气，现在有了千里之外的感受。

在新加坡就是看不到那满天悲伤的星火。
你在世界的另一端看的到吗？  

发觉人生不是一个人的。
讲真的，现在那有怎么样？ 错过了多少的风景。

＂也许在另一个平行时空，我们是在一起的。＂

辛弃疾

东风夜放花千树，更吹落、星如雨。宝马雕车香满路。风箫声动，玉壶光转，一夜鱼龙舞。蛾儿雪柳黄金缕，笑语盈盈暗香去。众里寻他千百度；蓦然回首，那人却在灯火阑珊处。

a book

one day i was wondering about a classic question, "if your house caught fire and you can only save one book, which one would you save?" I always do not know the answer. Logical question to think about, i have so many books. the question was never answered. and it went away.

some days back, i was packing my room. saw it. the second i saw it, the question popped. "This is the book that i would save." haas. so silly. do not know why i have this thought. and do not know if it is the same for you.

i really dont know what to say. thought about it. how? sigh... 当时说不出，到了现在还是无言以对。

梁伟健。真的要弄到一个无言的结局吗？嗨。

taiji was good. today learn another half a step. haha. tomorrow going to practice on my own. need to get some loose pants for it. and maybe a new shoes. need to print out the announcement texts too. need to do up the book these couple of days.

good nights.

Postcard

first thing when I came back from teh with Happy and Sufiyan, i saw something that made my world stood still for a bit. hmm... mixed feelings. smiling yet sad. a lot to say but nothing is coming out. if you are the one receiving what would you be feeling? haas.

the friend told me i should give you the tickets now already. but is it really so simple?

had a talk with dad. realised i have not been really talking to him. he is really a very good dad. every time, everyone in the family seems to be screaming at him or grumbling about something. but after i think about it, actually he is really very... 耐骂. and he is a very simple man. really appreciate him. hope daniel understands this too. sigh.

anyway, dad did not say a lot. but in his own way, he is telling me to think about what i need to do. haas.

recently keep listening to A-Lin's album. all the songs seems to be trying to say something, i just too dumb to understand. just want share this song.

really very happy you wrote me a postcard. looking at the date, it seems that you took some time to send it out. a postcard of the tower from barcelona? haas. so cute. thanks. you should look at my postcards. of course i did not send to you. how to? sigh.

hmm... hope you are alright. drink more water. do not need to rest more. already not enough time to enjoy and experience. so just drink more water. :)

九把刀的故事越来越精彩了。

good nights. taiji session later. :)

As i am going through my photos, one thought came across my mind. my photos are too dark. something that you always say. haha. I do not know why i thought of that, guess my photos are a tad too dark.

something that i missed out in my previous post, i met my primary school friend in Perth. in my uncle's house. during the house party. oh my... how can the world be so small. and again, an image of you having the incredulous look on your face and saying, "来了咯，你真的很多朋友leh..."
haha! oh well...

Today i had my first tai ji session. it is really not as easy as most people think. it is actually very difficult. a lot of balance. a lot of muscle usage. especially the waist and legs. going to keep practicing it. Wednesday going for it again. wink.

Tomorrow is an important day in history. gaming history at least. haha! Release of Diablo III! cannot wait! need to get my fingers warmed up for the clicking! :)

good night singapore. and to you. where ever you are. :) and i wonder which is your favorite city. maybe it is the same as mine? haas... oh wells...

Perth with Family 2012

First of all, HAPPY MOTHERS' DAY to all! share a photo with you all! haha!

my Ah Ma!

Just back from Perth. Very tiring YET very fulfilling trip! Took quite a bit of photos. First day was just touch down and lunch, visit to King's Park, followed by supermarket. (so crew-like, haha!) Because we need to prepare some food to bring to a couple of temples for prayers.

View from King's Park

Ah Ma enjoying some alone time

                                                                           

Second day was visit to the temples. quite a bit of distance even by driving. but the scenery was breath-taking! :) The second temple is still under construction, will be done by next year.



Third day was the farm stay day! Hmm.. The weather was still not very good. on and off drizzling. after a long drive, we are at Harvey. To start things of, picnic at Harvey Dam. It was Ah Ma's first time eating Subway. She like it! The farm was kind of commercial and chalet like. small area and the housings was close to the office. The night was very chilly but the stars was beautiful... sigh.
The next morning we went to feed the animals. just the rabbits, chickens, ducks, sheep and horses. There was this very animal-shy sheep named Lily. She will stay away from the rest of the animals but keep following us around. So funny!

Sunset

Lily!

On the fourth day, we head to Mandurah and have a look at all the houses. It is a port town. There are a lot of beautiful houses that have boats and yachts parking just at their backyard, a dock/pier for their leisure. Quite a nice place. To own something like that in Singapore will cause something like 20 million? It is just about a million or two at Mandurah.

And of course! Ah Ma missed the two little ones so much that she wants to Skype them. So we all gathered in front of the computer and do a little "get-together".

Janssia and Febella

 Fifth day and off to Freemantle! The weather was fantastic! First day that went without any sign of rain! The sky is like a blue canvas and clouds are like candy floss! Went to visit the tourist souvenir shops and lunch at Cicerello's Fish and Chips. Honestly, I think the chips are just ok. not fantastic. luckily I had the Boston Chilli Mussels. Not wow. just alright. haha! Went to a couple of beaches. very nice weather very nice beaches. Off to visit Auntie Lisa's house.

Saturday, which was our last free day was another visit to the supermarket! Because we had a house warming party! :) Ah Ma was master chef and we all helped! Yes. Me included. haha! Everyone came with their pot luck items, food platter, cakes, roast meat, roast duck, chicken wings etc. I learned a lot about cooking too! Yays! so happy! :)

Sunday was an early day and off we go to the airport to be back into Singapore. Hope we can do this again! and soon! :)

Ah Kim's Mum! 

First row: Ah Kim's Mum, Ah Ma, Ah Gong and Da Gu Gong.
Standing: Daniel, Ah Kim, Small Gu, Pa, Mummy, Kim Po, San Gu Gong and mE!

not a lot of instax. love to have more!

缘分 and a very good person

Today Ah Ma was telling me a story. There was a colleague of hers whose best friend got married with her boyfriend. She did not get married. Stay single for 20 over years. The guy got divorced when his son was 9 years old. When his son was 19 years old, the two met again. At a temple. By that time, the guy is already 50. And the lady, 40 plus years old. Her prime time of her life was over. The two of time got married.  One big round and all together again. 真的会有缘吗？ Today something happened. All of us were in the honey shop. A local family walked in and there was this very beautiful baby girl named Grace. She was very shy. Everyone tried to carry her but she turned away. When Ah Ma tried, she put out her hands! The whole time Grace was in Ah Ma's hands. When it was time to say goodbye, Grace waved good bye to her parents and family. It was so surprising as she is supposed to be a very shy girl.  When I left the shop, the owner told me, it must be been that Grace like Ah Ma's heartbeat. She must be a very good person.  At that moment, my heart was filled with pride and love and I could not agree with him more.

Perth

Last night wanted to write something but my phone went crazy and glitched. Oh wells. Arrived in Perth yesterday morning. Wet and windy! Haha. Pouring and drizzling periodically. So tired. Landed from Istanbul in the morning  and took off to Perth at night. It's alright!!! I am with ah ma! Everyone else too! So fun! :)  Istanbul was a very fulfilling trip. Took quite a bit of photos and seen the major sights. Blue mosque. Ayasofya. Galata Tower. Underground Cistern. All checked! The next time it will be the Hamas. Hmm... Ah Ma told me that we have 7 days to talk. Haha. So cute. Ya. We do. Would love it more than anything. Just got my roster. I said if I ever have a HKG SFO, I will go and buy a 70-200. And I got it. Hahaha. It seems that in this, some one heard me. I will be getting it, I guess. I have a LHR on the 29th. Argh. Want to do LHR so badly. And it has to be on the 29th. Link flight some more. Need to change it away or I would have to really give her both the tickets. In the car, and realised everyone is so old already. :( 花无百日红。嗨。 hmm... Keep turning around and wanted to share a good laugh or a smart quid. but with who? Keep thinking you are here. 小朋友，现在的你在世界的那一端呢？好想跟你一起看着披萨铁塔。看到它倒下为止。

今天我的心情很差。觉得我是个《伤女王》。我只是做我自己。嗨。

跟 ah ma 一起搭巴士。聊了聊，有了些领悟。可能人生真的没有意外吧。如果如此那就算了吧。

晚安。旅途愉快。

今天有位好友问我： “人生有几个十年？”

不多吧。可是又能怎么样呢？

她接着问：“你不会后悔吗？”

。。。

她又说： “缘是天意，分是人为。”

真的是这样的吗？我不知道。

bought tickets. just walk to the nearest counter and did it. do not know why. also do know what to do with them now.

watched a movie today. i think that an ex marine who are good with animals, great with a kid, and even plays a piano. cool right? wanna be like that. need to experience more i guess.

good night singapore. and you out there, where ever you are. have a great time. 

I also wish I was there. really have the urge to change for a Paris. sigh. 

Back from a 10 days trips. Red Square, Kremlin and St Basil Cathedral checked. Really like Moscow. Most importantly the crew rocks! :) Cass, Shirlene, Fazlin, Adeline, Kenneth specially. Had a great time! Met up with Leslie and drank with his set of crew. :) Would love to fly with this bunch of peeps again.

hmm... she left on her trip. Thought it was going to be 23rd of May. did not manage to say good bye. hmm. maybe it is for the best. commented on her facebook... dont know if i should had done it or not.

dreamt of her in Moscow. seems so real. miss her. a lot.

Wish her all the best in her trip. sigh. no standbys to be call up for any chance to bump into her. haas.
Really hope she have an experience of her lifetime.

真的想她。

祝我弟生日快乐。

今天又感到了《景物依旧 人事已非》这句话的意识。

越苗越黑。。。 嗨。不知道要怎么说。就不要说吧。:(

晚安。祝我弟生日快乐。

sick.

Heard from my mum that she went for a trip and will be going for one more. a bag pack i think. really feel very happy for her. hmm. guess that I hope she can do things for herself. accomplish what she wants to do.

just saw this TVB show. about a father who cause all sorts of misunderstanding with his family and friends. he does not want to explain his actions because he feels that it is because people do not know him well enough. and since he always know what he is doing he feels that end of the day everything will come to light. hmm...

tomorrow is daniel's 21st birthday. everyone spent a lot of money and quite a bit of effort. hope he appreciate. my wish for him is to be more understanding and not so narrow when it come to things that he wants. he is a good kid. all out for friends and things that he want to care about. sigh. maybe he should not try so hard to prove himself.

been a long time since i am sick. not so easily fall sick, but if i do, it will be big. haas.

good night Singapore. 我觉得人生很短暂。应该去做想要做的事。现在没有牵挂的时候就去做吧。希望你了解我的用心良苦。

雨天

今天。。。有了从来没有那么想去唱K的感觉。。。嗨。 youtube 看到快要暴了。 哈哈。

雨天

害怕

让每个人都心碎

梦醒时分

寂寞轰炸

有没有

慢慢听吧。我是听了又听。。。

why do I always make people fall in love? I dont know. maybe I am too full of myself. but that is what I feel and I know. sigh. I dont see what is so good about me. MAYBE I am nice and know-it-all but that does not explain it. sigh.

anyway went to drink with Alan and Jodin. felt like I forced them out to drink. Jodin has an exam later in the morning. and Alan has something for me to sign. sigh. Had a good time though. met yuting and some other SU peeps...

hmm. later at night going to fly to Narita. Going to go out into the city. No matter what. Hopefully the cherry blossoms blossom by that time. want to go to Ramon Temple. hmm. been a year since. sigh.

Good Night Singapore.

Back from Beijing.

“分手，只需要一个人同意，但［在一起］可是需要两个人同时的认可才能作数。恋爱就是要这么不肯定才有趣，不是吗？” － 九把刀

“如果早就知道一定会分手，为什么还要这么早谈恋爱？这样不是很没有意义？” － 沈佳仪
“你一定会死，那你为什么不现在就死一死？” － 柯景騰
“这根本就是不一样的东西，你真的很幼稚。” －沈佳仪叹气

----------------------

just back from Beijing today. The 4th time in 6 months. not too bad. just that, to have 2 meal services in 5 hours 40 mins is a little tad crazy. Oh wells.

This time the hotel is near to the Beijing National Stadium a.k.a Bird's Nest. So I made it a point to visit it. I took a stroll of the Olympic Village. It is the biggest in the history of all the Olympic venues. Nearly 12 kilometers long. Water Cube. Olympic Torch Even the wall with all the names of the competitors. Nice. :)

Lets not talk about the other tourists. Just a point to note, I think China tour for Chinese National is big business.

All rights. My lastest book is in! My order from booksdepository has arrrived! The long awaited "Dance with the Dragons". :)

Nights Singapore.

现在手上正在阅读的书是，“那些年，我们一起追的女孩。” 很久没有接触到中文小说，有些不确定的字眼。会努力的，已经的八十多篇了。今晚要去北京了。第四次了。名副其实的中国服务员。哈哈。

心角又痛了。痛了一个多小时。嗨。

再会哟，小朋友。

但不是。

全世界的人都觉得我是因为有了新欢所以弃了旧爱。连你也是。

但不是。

连你也不了解，我想世界上真的没有人了解了。现在的我是很喜欢我的工作。回到家，就想待在家。真的觉得我对女人越来越没有感觉。觉得女人是很麻烦的事。对。我是没有可能变同性恋的。可是对我有意思的女生都被我拒在千里之外。就是不想有麻烦事。嗨。越来越多同事觉得我是不是喜欢男生的。被问了好多次。哈。真的没有乱来。没有另外个她。

我不是在后悔当初。只恨自己处理的很不好，非常的烂。

那天我在外，不知为何有种莫名的感觉，抬起头。看到了她的好友，很想上前打声招呼。可是却在最后的几秒，选择擦肩而过。不知道为什么。想了想，也不知道要说什么。

对每个人都好也是一种错吗？我就是这样。对每个人都百分百。有位朋友跟我说：“你是个很好的朋友。可是我很希望你成为一个好情人。“
”在朋友的角色你真的做到满分了！身为你真的朋友的我当然也希望你能在将来，在情人的角色也会是一样完美。“

每次看到的都是你。八个月了，还是你。起飞和降落时也是你。全都是你。

火柴。

刚刚听了一句话。“我做了四十年的成功人士。如果接下来的四十年还是做同样的东西，不就是浪费人生吗？” “我可以用我短短的生命去成功两次，我不是算有了两个人生吗？”

我只是想要把我的短短的生命，象火柴一样，发光发热。就是那么的简单。

View From The Top

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/View_from_the_Top
View from the Top is a 2003 romantic comedy film about a young woman from a small town who sets out to fulfill her dream of becoming a flight attendant. The film was directed by Bruno Barreto, and stars Gwyneth Paltrow, Christina Applegate, and Mark Ruffalo.

A movie that I came across when I was in Mumbai. At first I was interested because it was a film about being a flight attendant. As the movie play out, I laugh as I was about to relate to how close the things were like, from the dreams, interview, training, days as a flying crew, life in out station. Slowly and surely, I felt a connection. I realized how similar it was like. Had a lot of thoughts.

Came back to Singapore and decided to watch the movie again. This time I realized more things. There were a lot of lines that struck a chord with me. Donna Jensen felt that no one can tell her that she has or has not seen enough. Even though she knows that Ted loves her and she him. Of course end of the day, as most of the romantic comedies go, both the leads went back together. But the fact is, can real life be the same? And end of the movie, she was not doing what she set out to do, it was different. She was back in Cleveland, her "big waiting room".

The point is she went ahead to do what she wanted to do or get done. If she had not gone ahead to do it, there will also be the regret right? It is not that it is not worth the fight. Just not yet.

Anyway, I think I still cannot fully express myself. Just watch the movie. Haas.

Nights Singapore.

转眼之间。

今天是我一身以来自己一人去喝酒。喝了一杯。大概一个小时吧。也不知道为什么那么久。可能是庆祝我度过工作的试用期吧。转眼之间，过了六个月。真快。来也匆匆，去也冲冲。说真的， 我很喜欢我的工作。每天都可以看到人与人之间的相处。人是很奇妙的动物。明天要飞去澳洲了。明天是新的一天。鼓起勇气，勇往直前。

晚安了，我美丽的小岛。

For all those born in 70's and 80's

Read this post. Love it so much!

We are the last generation that learnt to play in the street, we are the first who've played video games, see cartoons in color and went to the amusement parks. We were the last to record songs of the radio on cassettes and we are the pioneers of walkmans and chatrooms... We learned how to program the VCR before anyone else, play with the Atari. Super Nintendo and believed the the Internet would be a free world all on a 56kbit modem. Traveled in cars without seat belts or air-bags and lived without cell phones. Rode bicycles down the road without brakes. We never had phones but still kept in touch. We do not have Playstation, 99 television stations, flat screens, surround sound, mp3s, iPods, computers and broadband... but nevertheless we had a GREAT time.

我真的什么都写在脸上吗？

今天有人问了我，最后一次交女朋友是几时。我没近过脑就，大概要一年了吧。回想起，真的有了度日如年的感觉。

之后我身边的人都觉得我怪怪的。还以为我哭了。才不是呢。我在工作时，那会感情用事？可是我真的什么都写在脸上吗？：（

又不知道要表达什么了。

every time I re-read a book, i always discover something new or there will be new appreciation for something that is written.

我的脑海每次都充满了很多。。。东西；想法；看法。心里有许多感觉。可是往往当我要表达的时候，我都不知道从何开始。我觉得我是一个不喜欢麻烦的人。喜欢简简单单的过每一天。可是我又是一个把朋友放在第一位的人。有时真的有了矛盾的情况。我很像有很多朋友，其实是我认识很多人罢了。有时觉得一点的小空虚。又不知道要表达什么了。

有时觉得可以结婚生子，过小家庭的生活。夫妻两打理一间小档口，过日子。平凡是幸福嘛。可是往往想的很美。有每天的百分百感觉吗？有每天的百分百默契吗？

今天真的很累。

晚安。

”有缘千里来相会，无缘对面不相逢“

今天我想起有一个朋友问我：“你说因为现在不是时候。可是如果，三，五，十年后，你觉得时候到了，但是人已不在了。你要怎么办？到哪里在找那个人？“

我不知道。我的决定可能是错的。可能让我后悔一辈子。人生有很多的可能，或许和如果。可是就是没有重来。

都已经决定了，就潇洒一点吧。

”有缘千里来相会，无缘对面不相逢“

如果是真的有缘的话。

晚安。

i cant sing, I cant dance.

in this world, there are a lot of very talented people. really admire them. I cant dance, I cant sing. haas. a lot of things need the flare.

伤心的理由

这个世界上只有伤心的理由，没有沉沦的借口。

再忙的人，他心里面也应该留一个空位给他的爱人。时间需要分配，爱何尝不是呢。

不论遇到什么伤心的事情，只要你振作起来，都可以重头再来，就怕你自暴自弃，消极沉沦。

我永远记得我当初是多么爱她。可是已经不能回头了。

落泪了

在四年一次的二月二十九日，终于落泪了。也只能哼情歌。